How to Convince a Stubborn Parent to Try Telehealth (Without Starting a Fight)
You've explained it three times. You've shown them videos. You've even offered to set everything up yourself. And your parent still says no.
"I want a real doctor, not a screen." "They can't examine me through a camera." "I don't trust it." Or the most frustrating version: a shrug and a change of subject.
If you're the adult child of a parent who refuses telehealth, you already know that logic doesn't work. Facts about convenience, safety, and cost savings bounce off a wall of fear, pride, and habit. The resistance isn't about technology — it's about control, dignity, and a lifetime of doing things a certain way.
This guide offers a different approach. Instead of arguing harder, it's about understanding why they resist and meeting them where they are — with scripts you can actually use, psychological principles that shift the conversation, and practical workarounds for when persuasion fails entirely.
Why They Really Say No
The stated reason ("I want a real doctor") is almost never the actual reason. Here's what's usually underneath:
Fear of looking stupid. Your parent was competent and capable for decades. Admitting they can't figure out a tablet feels humiliating. They'd rather refuse than fail in front of you or — worse — in front of their doctor. This is especially true for parents who were professionals, managers, or authority figures. The role reversal of their child teaching them basic technology is deeply uncomfortable.
Loss of control. Going to the doctor is one of the few activities that still follows a familiar script: get in the car, sit in the waiting room, talk to the nurse, see the doctor. Your parent knows how to do this. It may be exhausting, but it's their process. Telehealth replaces their script with yours, and the loss of agency feels threatening.
Distrust of the unfamiliar. Seniors who grew up before the internet have lived through decades of being told that "the computer" is dangerous — that clicking the wrong thing will steal their bank account, that strangers on the internet are predators. Now you're asking them to talk to their doctor through that same scary machine. The association between "screen" and "scam" is strong and not entirely irrational — they do get phishing emails, they have heard stories about telehealth fraud.
Sensory anxiety. Many seniors worry they won't be able to hear the doctor on a video call — and they're often right. Poor tablet speakers combined with age-related hearing loss create a real barrier, not an imagined one. They've already experienced the frustration of not hearing someone on a phone call, and they're projecting that misery onto video visits.
The belief that it's inferior. Some parents genuinely believe that a doctor can't do their job without physically touching them. For certain appointments, they're right — you can't do a blood draw or listen to heart sounds through a screen. But for medication follow-ups, test result discussions, and chronic condition check-ins, video is medically equivalent. The parent doesn't know this, and saying "the research says it's fine" isn't convincing when it contradicts their lived experience.
Scripts That Actually Work
The key to these scripts is that they don't argue. They validate the concern, reframe the situation, and make the first step very small.
For "I want a real doctor"
Don't say: "It IS a real doctor — they just happen to be on a screen."
Say: "I totally get that. And for big things — anything hands-on — we'll absolutely go in person. But Dr. [name] suggested doing the follow-up this way so you don't have to make the trip just to hear test results. Think of it like a phone call, but you can see each other. We can always go back to in-person if you don't like it."
Why it works: It positions telehealth as a trial, not a permanent change. It preserves the in-person option as a safety net. And it attributes the idea to the doctor (an authority your parent trusts more than you on medical matters).
For "I can't figure out the technology"
Don't say: "It's easy, I'll show you."
Say: "You don't have to figure anything out. I'm going to set it all up, and on the day of the appointment, all you do is sit down and tap one button. I'll be on the phone with you the whole time for the first one. If it doesn't work, we'll cancel and go in person — no big deal."
Why it works: It removes the burden of learning. Your parent doesn't have to acquire a new skill — they just have to agree to sit in a chair. The promise of backup ("I'll be on the phone") and an escape hatch ("we'll cancel") reduces the risk to zero.
For "They can't examine me through a camera"
Don't say: "Actually, studies show that telehealth is just as effective for—"
Say: "You're right, there are some things they need to do in person. But this appointment is just to go over your bloodwork [or check on your medication, or follow up on last visit]. It's basically a conversation — and Dr. [name] said this one is fine to do from home. We'll save the in-person visit for when they actually need to check something."
Why it works: It concedes the point instead of debating it. Your parent is right that some things require in-person care. By agreeing and then narrowing the scope, you remove the objection without dismissing it.
For the silent refuser (shrugs, changes subject, "we'll see")
Don't say: "We need to talk about this."
Say: Nothing — for now. Instead, create a situation where they experience it incidentally. The next time you video-call them (FaceTime, WhatsApp, etc.), say: "See? This is exactly what a video visit is like. You're already doing it." Normalize the screen-based conversation before labeling it "telehealth."
Why it works: The silent refuser isn't refusing telehealth — they're refusing the conversation about telehealth. By removing the pressure and letting them experience video calling in a safe, familiar context, you bypass the resistance entirely.
The "Soft Launch" Strategy
Instead of asking your parent to commit to telehealth, engineer a series of low-stakes exposures:
Week 1: Video-call your parent using FaceTime or WhatsApp. Don't mention telehealth. Just have a normal conversation. Do this a few times until video calling feels routine.
Week 2: During a video call, casually say: "You know, this is exactly what a video doctor visit looks like. Same screen, same camera. The only difference is it's Dr. [name] instead of me."
Week 3: When an appointment comes up that's appropriate for telehealth (a follow-up, a medication review), say: "Dr. [name]'s office said we can do this one from home. I already set everything up — same as when we video call. Want to try it this once?"
After the first visit: Ask how it went. Don't push. If they say "it was fine," you've won. If they say "I didn't like it," ask what specifically bothered them (audio? video? the doctor's manner?) and fix that specific issue before suggesting it again.
The soft launch works because it decomposes the scary unknown (TELEHEALTH) into a series of familiar experiences (video calling family → video calling doctor). By the time you ask them to try an actual appointment, they've already done the hard part.
When Persuasion Fails: The Workaround Options
Some parents will never agree to telehealth. That's their right. But even without video visits, you can still use telehealth infrastructure to reduce the caregiving burden:
Proxy portal access. You don't need your parent to use the portal — you can manage it yourself. Request prescription refills, check test results, and message the care team from your own phone using proxy access. The parent still goes in person; you just handle the admin remotely.
Phone-only visits. If your parent's provider offers audio-only telehealth (many do, especially for Medicare patients), this can be a stepping stone. A phone call with the doctor feels familiar and non-threatening. Once they're comfortable with that, the jump to video is smaller.
Asynchronous messaging. Many portals allow secure messaging with the care team. If your parent won't do a video visit but has a question about a medication or symptom, you can send the message on their behalf (with proxy access) and relay the answer.
The Emotional Reality
Convincing a resistant parent is exhausting, and it's easy to fall into a pattern of frustration and resentment. Remember: their resistance isn't about you. It's about a generation that built their competence in a pre-digital world and is now being told that their way of doing things is obsolete. That's painful.
The goal isn't to win an argument. It's to reduce friction — for them and for you. Sometimes that means your parent does video visits. Sometimes it means you manage the portal behind the scenes while they keep going to the office. Both are valid outcomes.
The Telehealth Parent Guide includes an entire section of conversation scripts and a step-by-step "soft launch" plan for resistant parents, plus the technical setup and troubleshooting guides that make the transition smooth when they're ready. Because eventually, most of them come around — not because you convinced them, but because someone they trust had a good experience and told them about it.